Is Your Behavior Based On Expired Data?
Step Two: Curiosity
Last week I talked about a way to look at behavior you want to change not as wrong, but as logical, even if it’s based on expired data.
Once you see this—that you aren’t trying to go from being WRONG to behaving RIGHT, but rather updating your behavior based on new, accurate information (i.e. we’re adults now, with agency and some power)—then there’s no blame. (The cartoon above epitomizes blame--it's the Judge, rendered as a gavel).
Just Curiosity
What if, when you felt stuck or afraid to show your work, instead of self-condemnation, you were curious? Where did all this angst come from? Is it in response to your present circumstances (doubtful), or is it from the past (likely)?
My Favorite Way to Answer That Question
Talk to the part of yourself that feels stuck and/or afraid.
Try These Questions
- What would you like me to know about you?
- How old are you?
- Are you fearful about something specific happening? If so, what?
- What can I do to help you feel safe?
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you’ll know that talking to parts of ourselves to find out why they’re blocking us and what they’re afraid of, is my favorite way to expand our consciousness about our own behavior and to open the door to change.
You Can’t Change What You Don’t Love
What if understanding, appreciating and yes, even loving our old behavior (instead of condemning and criticizing) is the first step to changing it?
Communication Is the Key
If you haven’t tried talking to these resistant part(s) of yourself, today’s the day.
If you do it, I’d love to hear your results. Tell me in the comments.
PS: My book that explains how to do these conversations is here.