How to Make A Stable Financial Foundation for Yourself, Part Three: Put Your Money Where Your Heart Is
How do your money and your values "get along" with each other? In the last article I wrote in this series, I showed you how to figure out the average amount of money you need to pay your bills. Now that you know your number (or at least what you’ve spent money on in the past), let’s see if you’re putting your money where your heart is. Let’s see if your spending matches your values.
An example with two things that most people need to buy
I’m going to use two examples of categories I spend money on, and test them against my values to see if they’re lined up with each other. The two categories are groceries and clothes.
I spent $393.49 on groceries in June 2020. I set aside $450.00 each month for groceries; I spent a bit less in June because I went on a couple driving trips. So I came in close to the amount I set aside--that aligns with my Security value. I spent money but I didn’t overspend.
Candy bars, or veggies?
I have to look at WHAT I bought to see if the money I spent on groceries lines up with another of my values--health. Did I buy hot dogs and candy bars, or vegetables and eggs and cheese and nuts and other stuff that’s good for me? Luckily, since I’m reporting to you, I bought mostly veggies and lean protein, (okay, including some chocolate, but not a ton of it. Chocolate is supposed to be good for you, right)?
Conclusion: spending on groceries falls into the Health and Security categories, and I got gold stars for both in June. (Yay!)
Next--clothes.
Spending money on clothes is fraught for me. I grew up believing Billy Crystal’s sketch on Saturday Night Live where he says in a fake Spanish accent, “It’s not how you feeeeeeel, it’s how you LOOK,” was right. And the corollary: if I look good, I’ll feel good, and feeling good means feeling lovable and confident and worthy. Therefore lots of clothes=feeling lovable and confident and worthy.
I’ve tried to put this equation together for years. It never adds up.
I only spent $119.39 on clothes in June (I allocated $150.00), and that was for a pair of running shoes. They’re cute and my feet are happy, but they don’t make me feel lovable or worthy. I know from experience that even if I spend hundreds or thousands on clothes, the worthy and lovable meters don’t budge an inch.
Possessions don’t change who I am; money and values
I could make a legitimate case that the money I spent on clothing in June fulfills the health value (comfy feet, therefore more walking, healthier body, etc.). But no matter how hard I try, clothing won’t ever fulfill the relationship/love value. More, prettier, better clothing is fun, can be creative, but it won’t ever make me loveable. Spending money on clothes to feel lovable is like buying books to feel smart, or buying art to prove I have good taste.
Are you trying to buy things with money that money can't buy?
Do you find yourself spending a lot of money on things or experiences and when you look at the amount you spent you don’t like what you see? Or a day or two after you’ve spent money on something, you notice you don’t like how you feel, you may be trying to buy something with money that money can’t buy.
Try this on other spending categories
If you have some extra compassion and stamina, look at your spending in a couple more categories and see if they match your values. Another place I like to look is money I spend on gifts for other people, books, or eating in restaurants. We’re not doing much of that right now, but I noticed a few months ago I was eating in restaurants a lot, not because I enjoyed it every time, but because I hadn’t planned ahead to cook. In that case, my money and my values weren't in agreement.
My individualized coaching programs support you in making a money plan that works with your values
If you’d like help getting your spending (and earning money, for that matter) aligned with what’s most important to you, we can talk about that. I offer a free 15-minute consultation to see if we'd be a fit to work together, or if you need a little help with something money-related.
Your work matters.
I am also running two individual coaching programs. Create Your Day Job and Sell Your Art Peacefully. If you’d like to talk about whether either of these programs would be a fit for you, please book a chat with me.
Is your heart happy about your spending?
Does your spending line up with your values? Do you have some unconscious beliefs about money that are running your life? In the comments below, let me know about your money and values, and if they are working together well.